I don’t have a tattoo because sometimes I get bored of a certain flavor of gum pretty quickly.
Things always start out well at first. I buy a pack of “5 React.” I think the “5” is related to the number of senses the gum impacts, but to tell you the truth, having chewed it a few times, I’m not sure that a “sound experience” is a reasonable expectation from a piece of gum. Don’t get me wrong, if that gum played “Rhythm of the Night” by El Debarge while you chewed it, I’d be sold. I checked the Wrigley site to make sure my hopes weren’t too high and here’s how they described it: “5 is a groundbreaking sugar-free stick gum product.”
That’s exactly how I feel about gum. Whenever I see someone at work with a pack, I say, “Do you have any more stick gum product?”
So I chew React, which is like a delicious fruit truck smashed into a fruit parade while the city was under attack by a Godzilla made of fruit. The package opens with your thumb, which I also enjoy. The 5 gum package is like the Zippo lighter of the gum world. I defy you to find a cooler gum package in the industry of chewing industry right now.
But I get bored. I lose interest quickly. I move on to another piece, even if Stride tells me I can chew their stick gum product for hours. I’m too fickle, which is why I can’t get a tattoo.
My brother Will has a few and one of his is in Hebrew, which is probably the way I’d go too. Why? There are a few reasons the tattoo in Hebrew is the way to go:
1. It forces you to learn a little Hebrew.
My brother is a budding theologian, but me? I rarely crack open a book in Hebrew and just go at it. Getting another language tattooed on your body forever would hopefully inspire me to actually study that language a little.
2. It’s like the Christian version of the Chinese symbol.
Want to ferret out if someone at work is a Christian without straight up asking? Chances are, if they have a Bible verse tattooed in Hebrew, they are a Christian. (Or they’re Angelina Jolie. It’s one of the two.)
3. You can tell anyone it means anything.
Feel like you got a word on you that is no longer the word that symbolizes your life? You got “Drowning in his love” tattooed in Hebrew four years ago, but now feel like the phrase, “Living in his light,” works better as a summary of your life? Just tell people that’s what it means. They won’t know. Of course, now you’re lying about a Hebrew tattoo which is like some kind of triple sin.
4. They tend to be small and less painful.
Tattoos are still delivered via, hot, constant, sharp needles, right? Just checking. That’s one more reason I’d probably go with a word in Hebrew if I ever got a tattoo. Those are always small.
We had a Christian tattoo contest two years ago on Stuff Christians Like and there were some amazing ones. But it’s not my thing. Sure, sometimes I’ll rock the temporary tattoos when our kids wear them, but we’ve got girls. That means I’m not rolling out of the house with a fire truck or a rocket. I’m wearing one of the members of the Prince Cartel. (Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Lil’ Mermaid, etc.)
How about you?